It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve sat down to write a Tuesday Talk. Honestly, I’ve had a lot of back and forth regarding what I should write about. How much is too much to share? Is what I’m sharing helping others? How do I balance keeping it real while still being positive in my writing?
Struggling with this has lead me to have some writer’s block. So much of my story I want to share, but the fear of oversharing has led me to not sharing at all. I never want to portray having it all together. More than anything, I want to share the struggles of my journey as well as the high points.
I think we can all relate to life not happening exactly as we had planned. I’m the type of person that loves to have everything planned out and I strongly dislike surprises. The hardest part of being a Christ follower for me personally is letting go. Letting go of control over what happens, my plans and expectations for my life. I remember at the beginning of 2016, I asked God to help me build my trust in Him. This year has certainly been a whirlwind. So much has happened that I don’t understand but I’m confident that He’s working in my heart with every stumble along the way.
Some days it’s hard to see light through the darkness, and I certainly don’t have it all together. I have my struggles, pain, and anxiety that can’t easily be seen through a blog post. There has been so much to be thankful for alongside so many things that test your faith. Dealing with the death of a friend that for most of your life felt more like a sister is not easy. Worrying about where you’ll be at in your job in a few months is not easy. Working to live out a marriage that is honoring to God is not easy. Constantly fighting the urge to find your worth in your weight is not easy but I know that I’m not alone.
It’s amazing how you can look back and see God in a past situation where at the time you felt left alone. I know through each trial we face, we will have those aha moments where we realize that our struggle wasn’t for nothing. In the meantime, I’m learning to trust God more, read my bible more than my planner, and be thankful for the little moments. The moments that I have a memory of my friend and I, the moment where Alex gives me a big bear hug after we haven’t seen eye to eye, the moments where I don’t feel alone at all, because I know the Lord will never leave me.
Bottom line is: life doesn’t have to turn out exactly how you expected to be beautiful. You’re never alone in your struggles, no matter how lonely it feels. And you’re loved infinitely by Jesus, who has a better plan for you than you could have ever made for yourself.